March 12, 2020
I saw a post asking about friend zones and it sparked a whole epiphanal thought process. Basically, I feel like an idiot in how long it’s taken me to understand people. I’m learning things that I shoulda been known. Like with friend zones.
To me, the friend zone isn’t a bad thing. If you like someone, I presume that means you care about them in some way and want to express that. Even if the preference is to do so romantically, doing so platonically is still good. So yay to being friends, right? And if they date someone else, yeah, it can be hard to watch cuz it ain’t you, but in my mind you caring about them means you want them to be happy, so there can still be joy in that. Plus you still have them in your life as a friend so it’s not a complete loss. You still get to love them.
I now realize that ain’t how most folks operate emotionally.
When folks “like someone” and want to be with them, it’s less about the other person and more about your own desires. They make you feel a certain kind of way, you like that feeling, and thus you want to be with them to keep that feeling going. And if you cannot be with them in the exact way that you want or close to it, then they are discarded because your desire is unfulfilled.
And this is why friend zones are so frowned upon. Cuz it was less about caring for that person and more about you serving your self.
I’m almost phukking 40 and I only just now understand this seemingly basic element of human social interaction. Cuz all this time, I thought relationships were first and foremost about loving others simply for the joy of doing so and caring about them being happy. I thought friendship was a suitable and sufficient connection to have with someone you like. And even if you like them more than that, friendship is still the core of any romantic relationship anyway so you’re getting the most important piece.
Silly me. 🤦🏾♀️🤷🏾♀️
[Edit: This is not a blanket, all-encompassing truth for all friend zone situations. It’s a contextual truth for many, but not all, situations.]