September 16, 2021
So I am polyamorous, and this year I done did dated two women whom I’ve REALLY liked. But eventually the energy shifted on their end and they lost interest in pursuing something romantic.
In the past this pattern ALWAYS felt like deep rejection because I thought something was wrong with me, and was often gaslit when folks acted like the shift I felt was all in my head despite clear indications that I wasn’t wrong.
But with this most recent one, we had a full hour+ conversation about the shift I felt and how she was processing it because it’d come as a surprise even to her. Unlike most others, she was aware enough to know it was something within herself, not within me, that was at the core. And she was authentic and transparent enough to share the details of this.
For me, this was incredibly healing for past relationship traumas. It was affirming in that I didn’t make up this shift in my head, and it was affirming in that the issue really wasn’t me. It was affirming to know that I can and should trust when I sense relational energy shifts, and that those times in the past were real too. Except in the past, the other person couldn’t or wouldn’t deal with their inner issues and instead projected it on to me, which really phukked me up.
That didn’t happen this time. And it was amazing.
This is how relationships can survive transitioning to different states, how folks can still be friends when intentions or desires shift. It’s by having self awareness and open communication about how we feel, especially when those feelings change. And sticking around to actually be the friend we say we want to be.
For once, a person losing romantic interest in me (or more specifically, a person discovering an inner obstacle that’s hindering romance with me), didn’t break my heart.
And that feels amazing too.